I went to see optometrist for an eye check. After my eye was examined, I did the standard letter chart reading and found that I couldn’t read half of the set when one of my eyes is covered, and also can’t read any of the smaller ones. The optometrist suspected something and she made me do an extra step: the visual field test. The result from that exam confirmed that I have a problem with my peripheral vision. The concerned optometrist said she’ll refer me to the ophthalmologist first thing on Monday.

True to her word, the optometrist rang me at 8:00 am, while I was heading to work, saying she got me an appointment with the ophthalmologist at 9:00 am (yes, that soon). Off I went and had eye examinations again, and a repeat visual field test. The ophthalmologist, in a very serious tone, told me that I have lost my peripheral vision (the medical term for it is bitemporal hemianopsia), and that I need to go to North Shore Hospital (NHS) Emergency to get a head scan because he suspects a benign mass (adenoma) in the pituitary gland. It’s a bit alarming to the optometrist and the ophthalmologist because I told them I only noticed the vision problem the previous month, and the vision loss discovered from the eye exams is already that much.

The hospital is luckily just a 5 minute drive from the eye centre. The NHS Emergency reception sent me to the Assessment and Diagnostics Unit (ADU). I had a blood test so that the hormone levels could be checked. The rest of the day was spent waiting for a chance to get an MRI scan. (During the long wait, I observed people in the ADU and found myself likening the medical field to the IT field; I also had a long conversation with a friendly lady who’s there accompanying her husband.)

I came back to NSH ADU with Marco for my MRI scan. I read up a bit about MRI scans beforehand and knew that it wasn't a quiet procedure. The series of thuds I heard had varied rhythms and tones. During the entire scan, I fixed my eyes on one spot, and really tried my best to hold still. The entire procedure took about 30 minutes in total. I'm sure I tried to remember some of the beats, but couldn't recall any of them now.

Back in the ADU waiting area, we had to wait for a couple of hours before the resident doctor finally attended to us and ushered us into one of the rooms for a chat. While entering the room, I looked at the expression on her face and thought she looked positive (now I know what that kind of look means). I thought I was going to hear good news. But the prognosis was correct: there's a large mass in my pituitary gland which was pressing on the optic nerves and causing my peripheral vision loss. Not only that, they also incidentally found another (smaller) mass in my right parotid gland. I had to stay overnight in the Emergency ward for more blood tests. Marco stayed with me the whole night, and had his own lazy boy chair. 🙂

I got discharged. The doctor advised the next steps for me--i.e. appointments with specialists (neurosurgeon, endocrinologist, ENT)

After getting some advice from friends about my situation, we went to see the GP for a consultation. We got a referral and an appointment with a neurosurgeon the next working day.

The neurosurgeon's office reception had radio music playing and Marco and I found ourselves lip syncing "Every Shalalala".

The pituitary gland, the neurosurgeon explains, is normally the size of two peas, but mine was the size of a [very] small apple (he showed us the MRI scan on his monitor). The surgery procedure and the risks (all written on his informative website) were explained to us. Given the urgency of the matter (and because he only does surgeries on Wednesday, I think), he scheduled the surgery that Wednesday and we agreed. I was actually sort of expecting the neurosurgeon to be a bit on the arrogant or serious side, but found him to be a very pleasant and caring person.

It's our 8th wedding anniversary. We went to Takapuna Beach for coffee, and to fill-out my hospital admission forms at the same time. After our little date, we went straight to the hospital to drop off the forms and have the required pre-surgery blood test. On the way back home, we stopped by our church (Life) and a couple of pastors prayed for us. It was really encouraging to have friends and family pray for us at that time. (Thank you so much. xx) We went to a beach close to our Airbnb home afterwards. I loved every minute of that day.

A couple of weeks ago, before everything happened, we made a dinner booking at Paris Butter. We decided to cancel that, but still had dinner at El Humero, Takapuna, our favourite steak / bbq place.

(6 months later, on the eve of my birthday, we finally did the Paris Butter dinner. 🙂

I only needed to fast 6 hours prior to the surgery, but I didn't think about food or water at all since 8 pm the previous night so fasting was an easy-breezy requirement. We headed to the admission ward, and nurses came in one by one to prepare me for theatre. I put on a hospital gown, wore compression socks, and another pair of socks with some traction. The admission nurse who took care of me was really wonderful and caring. About 4 nurses visited me and some of them are Filipinos like me. I happen to have a friend who works in the same hospital and she went out of her way to help me prepare for the surgery. (You're amazing, Ruthie.)

After all the preparations, while waiting for the surgery, M and I listened to worship songs. For the past couple of nights, I listened to worship songs because I. Need. God. Without Jesus, I would have been so anxious and wouldn't have the incredible peace I had then.

1:30 pm It was time. Marco kissed me, and nurses wheeled me into the operating theatre. The room was smaller and much less spacious than I imagined. They positioned me next to the surgery bed and I moved myself into it. The theatre nurses and the anaesthetist have started preparing me when I had a short but fun conversation with the neurosurgeon (who I couldn't see from where I was).

"What song do you want me to play, Grace?"

I laughed and said, "But I would be asleep."

"I know, but still, what song would you like me to play?"

"Well I was listening to worship songs just before."

"Worship songs? How about pop songs?"

"Anything with positive words."

He replied, "Issues"

I laughed at the sarcasm, and dozed off before I could even hear the music played.

Marco went to Cornwall Park while waiting for me. Support persons are recommended to go out of the hospital while waiting for the surgery to finish so that they would feel less anxious.

The surgeon rang Marco at 4:30 pm saying that everything went well.

I was brought into the recovery room and the anaesthetist woke me up. "You just had a surgery, Grace." My eyes opened slowly and the doctor and the nurse came into my view (it's like those shots in the movies where the frame gradually bigger and clearer). Then I started to feel the extreme headache. The nurse asked me how much in pain I was, rating it from 1 to 10. I said, "7.5". She injected 5 mg of morphine straight into my veins. The pain was still the same, so she gave me another dose. And then another. And finally, I felt better.

I had a catheter attached to me. It felt uncomfortable having that. But at the same time, I was glad I didn't have to stand up to pee.

Both my nostrils were stuffed with nasal packs, with strings taped on my cheeks, making me look like Hello Kitty. I felt so thirsty and they offered me an ice block. It was a lifesaver, I tell ya.

Marco arrived. I missed him.

A few hours later, I was transferred to the High Dependency Unit (HDU) ward where the nurse would check on me every half an hour (until 10:30 pm), and also asking me basic questions like "do you know what day it is" and "do you know where you are". I stayed in the HDU for one night. It was difficult to get a good sleep not only because the nurse would visit every so often, but also because I could hear them when they talk to each or to other patients. While half asleep I think I overheard a nurse talking about me (maybe handing over to the next nurse) and how she found it amusing that when she asked me what day it is, I replied, "Thursday" (because it was past midnight).

The anaesthetist checked on me every day at around 7 am and would basically check my files and quickly ask how I was.

The neurosurgeon, on the other hand, comes in at around 4:00 pm. He checks the amount of liquid intake vs amount of urine. If the latter is more, then there could be a spinal fluid leak. Thank God I didn't have that complication.

It's true what they say, the doctors seem to be in a rush always to talk to patients. So if you have questions better write them down so you could ask them all and don't forget anything because of the rush.

In any case, both my anaesthetist and neurosurgeon were still very kind, helpful and patient with me.

Before the neurosurgeon left the room on his first visit, he said I was a very brave girl--made my day!

In the afternoon, I got moved to a private room (Room 52). I was able to take a shower already with the healthcare assistant and Marco's help. They removed the disposable foam-pad electrodes from my body. I also got to do a very short walk around the ward as this would help normalise the blood flow again. I also got to eat real food that day.

My vision was pretty much still the same.

Oh, I'm not allowed to sneeze. Haha. So Marco brought the flowers home with him. (Luckily, our Airbnb mum has plenty of big vases at home, and she would give lend us one every time a new bouquet arrives. :D)

While going for my once-a-day walk with the nurse and Marco, I felt sick / nauseated (metallic taste in my mouth), and decided to turn around and come back to the room. The nurse offered to grab a wheelchair, but I turned it down. As I was doing a u-turn, Marco said he'll go ahead and prepare my chair in the room. Before he started walking away, I told him "don't leave me" and fainted. He caught me just in time. I was out for a few seconds. My consciousness came back and I heard a patient or a visitor offer help. The nurse looked a bit shaken. Back in the room, Marco wasn't speaking. I assured him I'm alright. Marco only felt relief a couple of hours later, after we got to talk to the neurosurgeon, who said that it's normal and that we could expect another fainting episode.

The catheter was removed (yay!) because I can get up and pee in the toilet. The removal was painless. The urine measurement still continues even after the catheter was removed (using a pan).

I had another blood test (this sounds easy but it's not for me).

Another luer was removed (yay!). This is such a big thing for me. Those things hurt too! (But my perspective on this changed a month later.)

In the middle of the night, I had an extreme headache, and I felt pain from my arm too because of the luer. Everything just felt bad that time, and couldn't help calling the nurse and venting out to her. She probably gave me a morphine tablet but I remember that that doesn't work for me (only the IV one does).

The last luer was removed (FREEDOM!).

I had another blood test, yet again.

Marco and I went out for a quick walk outside (like 10 steps). It felt great to breathe real fresh air again.

I can take a shower by myself!

I don't really get a good long sleep these days. In fact, whenever I wake up, I'll check the time and hope that 8 hours had passed. But it would be just 1 or 2 hours.

Today I got up at 5:30 am, and felt like organising my room a bit. Hehe. I couldn't stand seeing the little things lying around like the foot pillows I requested from the nurse the other night (when I had that little tantrum).

I got moved to a different room (Room 22) because they were gathering all the patients on one side of the floor, preparing for the lean staff that long weekend.

I had another blood test, the last one.

Marco and I went for a slow walk outside, at the cute little walking trail going around some trees. It was quite peaceful outside.

I got discharged today, and went home with the following medication: pana + codeine tablets for the headache, hydrocortisone tablets, lactulose (laxative), and a nasal rinse kit. The neurosurgeon recommended that I eat beef and lamb to help raise the blood count, and potato chips (can't complain to that! :D) for sodium. He also said I can't go swimming (maybe just until everything heals completely--I'll consult this with him next time).

It feels so good to breathe fresh air! I got sick of inhaling hospital air.

Of course, before heading home, we popped by the beach, and just stayed in the car and enjoyed the view.

Our very lovely, thoughtful Airbnb hosts provided our dinner that night--a South African dish called bobotie (minced beef with egg topping--because they knew I need red meat). 😉

(We've been living in an Airbnb while we wait for the new house to be ready for move-in.)

Marco makes an arrangement to work from home the entire week. I'm quite dependent on him--he prepares our food, assists me when we go out for a walk (at the long driveway),  does the chores (we were living in an Airbnb but still need to keep things tidy, and of course, the laundry!), and prepares my nasal wash, day and night. (I'm so lucky; I've got an AMAZING husband.)

My perfect vision still hasn't come back, and the headache is still constantly there.

In the next couple of days, I would basically just rest, eat plums (and red meat and veggies and avos), slowly walk around the house, slowly walk on the long straight driveway, slowly walk up and down the steps of the house, and listen to music. I didn't watch at all, and didn't use the laptop unless I really need to.

Friends would come visit (lucky me 🙂 and even bring food and flowers!

Our Airbnb parents would always check on me, even provide homemade dinner or takeaway pizza or invite us over for dinner! (They're amazing people!)

For the first time since the surgery, I had a good long sleep. 🙂

I'm now only taking only 1 Panadeine tablet per day.

We got to go to church!! 🙂

Celia (my Airbnb mum) asked me if I wanted to come along with her to Kings Plant Barn (as going out could be good for me). I almost said no but I'm glad I went with her because we had fun! I learnt a little bit about plants and animals (we went to a pet store too). It's good that nothing caused me to sneeze (been avoiding sneezing because I don't want to put pressure on my nose).

Went for a slow short walk at Long Bay Beach by myself, while Marco went for a bike ride! 🙂

By this time, we've moved in to our new house already--yay! But the drama continues...

I started smelling something horrible, which just went on and on for days. It came to a point that it feels much more annoying than a really bad headache. I complained about it a lot to Marco.

Had an ENT appointment to consult about the other mass found in my right parotid. (A little warning about visiting the ENT: if your nose is being inspected, a very yucky bitter spray will be used. Add that to the horrible smell and you can go crazy!)

I told the ENT about the bad smell and taste too, and he prescribed antibiotics for that.

Just after taking a shower, I felt some fluid slowly but constantly coming out both the nostrils. I faced the mirror and saw blood. I wasn't too scared because the neurosurgeon warned us that bleeding could happen.

I pinched my nose and the bleeding stopped a couple of minutes later.

I went to see the optometrist, did the standard eye exams, and lo and behold, I nearly have 20/20 vision! (Wow!) (I had to book a different appointment for the visual field test though, which I thought I could do right there and then.)

Right after the eye exam, while at the ladies' room, my nose started to bleed again! I dripped blood on the floor while walking to the farthest sink. The bleeding wouldn't stop. I tried to ring Marco to tell him I'm ok but it'll take a while for me to get out. One lady finally noticed me, and I asked her if she could tell the guy waiting outside about the situation and she willingly obliged (thank you again, lovely. x). Another kind lady named Fiona helped me. After a while, she suggested that I go to the disabled toilet so Marco could stay with me (such a good idea!). Fiona even cleaned up the mess I made on the floor and helped me clean up the literally bloody sink (thank you, Fiona, for being such an angel. x) The bleeding stopped after about 20 minutes.

We contacted the neurosurgeon to let him know about the bleeding, and he advised me to do more nasal washes (though I need to wait a day before I do the washes again).

And then the bleeding happened for the third time at 11 pm that night. This time, it didn't stop, so we went to NHS Emergency where they immediately sent me to an isolation room (just a private room in the emergency department). The doctor wanted to figure out if it's an anterior or posterior bleeding. The bleeding eventually stopped and didn't come back, so they weren't able to diagnose it. We were sent home at 3 am. We parked just outside the hospital for a little while just in case I start bleeding again, and headed home 30 minutes later.

At 3 am I woke up feeling something trickling down my throat. It was a bit cold and I immediately thought it was blood. After thinking about it for maybe 30 seconds, I got up and placed the little white tub under my nose, just in case. True enough, blood flowed from my nose, and I woke up Marco. I pressed my nose and the bleeding stopped after 30 minutes. That is a long time of continuous, profuse bleeding. I stayed awake, fearing that the bleeding could happen again.

At 7 am, Marco got up to cook breakfast. While sitting on the bed, I got the iPad from the bedside table. A minute later, the bleeding started again. After 40 minutes, it still wouldn't stop so Marco hastily prepared my stuff (with some clothes) and we head to the emergency yet again. Because we need urgent help, we went to the nearby medical centre first instead of the hospital. I was continuously bleeding profusely the whole time. (There's no stain whatsoever in the car or on our bed because of the little white lifesaver tub!) We stayed at the medical centre for an hour or so. The GP made a few phone calls and then referred us to Auckland City Hospital, who has an ENT specialist. We got to the hospital at around 10:30 am.

We handed the referral letter and Marco and I were attended to urgently. We walked to the resus area, went in one of the rooms separated by curtains, and sat down on the bed (while Marco sits on his chair to fill-out forms while his hands were shaking). Specialist nurses attached luers on both my arms. At that moment, I overcame my fear of needles and was able to control my feelings. I was almost numb. A few minutes, while still on a sitting position, and still holding my little bloody tub (the third one for that morning), I muttered, "I'm fee-ling lightheaded...". Nurses supported my body and laid me down, and just like in the movies, the frame of my vision became a bit smaller (like there was a white feathered border around hehe), and everyone appeared blurry. I didn't pass out completely.

The ENT came and did the most horrible thing. He fixed up the bleeding up my nose WHILE I WAS AWAKE. He stuffed up my nose, inserted a camera up in my nose, and removed some stuff from up my nose. I was staring at a certain part of the ceiling the whole time, praying. My prayers were simple. Just something like, "help me please, Holy Spirit". I didn't hear any response or anything, but I know my strength and hope comes from the Lord. Always.

Needless to say, I had to stay in the hospital after all those stuff. While I was being transported to the ENT ward, I waved "hi" to a girl being transported as well, who was waving at me. 😉 It's good to find humour in our situation. Hehe.

My nurse told me that I would need to go to the operating theatre again if I bleed again. And because of what she said, I was totally paranoid and moved very little or very stiffly just to avoid the theatre.

I fainted in the bathroom but Marco was there to catch me (again) 🙂 I was out only for a few seconds, and when I regained consciousness, I found myself surrounded by nurses, another patient's visitor, and a doctor, and lying down on the bathroom floor! On any normal day, that would really gross me out. But at that moment, I didn't care. The hospital changes you.

I got prescribed the following medications upon discharge: tranexamic acid, paracetamol, augmentin, nasal wash (which I must do at least 4 times a day!), and nasal spray.

Marco and I had a few hours to kill so we had a little date at Cornwall Park Cafe. We had an awesome time and the food was perfect.

The endocrinologist had a look at my recent documents, and blood test results. I had to do another blood test to check the hormones (a routine thing to do a month after a pituitary surgery).

I took a visual field exam and it confirmed that my vision is indeed back to normal. Thank God for that!! I can drive again!

At the very start of this whole journey, I couldn't help but think that my vision could be permanently impaired, affecting my ability to work, etc., etc. etc.

I am just in awe of God's goodness.

Woohoo! 🙂 Amazing, amazing, amazing.

Marco went to church and I didn't come along yet. While he was away, I made sure I don't get into trouble (i.e. bleeding) so I practically didn't move the whole time. Haha. I was so paranoid.

Eight months before this whole thing, Aunt Irma stopped visiting me. But now she's back! I didn't miss her at all, but I definitely need her. Hehe.

I had routine appointment with the neurosurgeon. I told him all the good news, and didn't focus on the setback that has recently happened. 🙂

My next appointment is next year!

The endocrinologist phoned me the other day saying that the blood test results are good and that I could stop taking hydrocortisone already!! Yay for another milestone!

Today, I am able to sleep normally and even turn my head! It's such a wonderful feeling I wanna cry.

Post hospital discharge, I continued to sleep in a sitting position. I tell you, it's not the most comfortable thing more so if your bed is the normal, non-adjustable bed (and pillows won't just cut it).

So good to be back!!! 🙂 Yes, really. It's good to be useful again, full-time. (And we need the money to pay the mortgage, too.)

A few weeks before, I dreaded the thought of having to push the heavy doors in the office. But I'm a lot well already and have no problem with that!

Apart from the on-and-off headache, and the low blood count, I'm all good!

Couldn't help but think before that it'll never go away (because it's been a while and it's still lingering).

I'm nearly there!

I had a blood test done two days ago and found out today that all is clear!

"Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." 

This follow-up appointment with the endocrinologist was set right after the first one (see Day 35 entry). It's just a standard follow-up post-surgery consultation.

Coincidentally, I looked a bit unwell again because I just got out of the hospital again, but for a different reason (surgery #2).

In saying that though, everything's fine in terms of my endocrine system / hormones. (The doctor gave me a blood test form and I had it done 1.5 months later, when I was feeling so much better after surgery #2).

Praise God! [insert hands raised icon]